Running away

Had an interesting conversation tonight...

The essence of the topic was perception; specifically, was it necessary to leave SG for my goals? Were my goals necessary in the first place? I always tot they were, but now it seems, i have doubts.

She said: "ppl start to develop diff taste when they have something to compare against." If I never left SG ever before, would I still feel it was necessary or 'good' in that sense to have left? I answered in all honesty, NO. Cause we would never know what the world have to offer and so without a basis to compare, we can't know or judge whether it's good, bad, right or wrong. But, I countered: " Without knowing, I will always feel like there's something more to just where I am and thus keep trying to find what exactly are these other things that are on offer that i compare with." This then raised the idea, so in general, coming over here does not seem like a necessary decision is it now? It seems like its more of a want...

If I'm here without necessity, what am I doing here really? Am I really here to pursue my dream, my passion, my goals? Or, am I simply 'finding' or hiding or running? She said: "One day, you should stop finding. And convert finding into 'knowing and believing'. That's when life truly begins" That just about sums up my fears. Do I really want to stop 'finding'? Honestly, I don't think I want life to begin. I feel that the moment I stop finding is the moment i stop living. I'll feel stagnated and bored once i stop 'finding'. That's why i'm here i think. The true reason behind the many I tot were true and used as a security blanket to live on. She adds: "you need to beat the red light, not just stop". Interesting, if it were driving, i'm sure she would have failed. but in life, I think I lack that leap of faith.


Is this due to a lack of courage? or fear? or over-conscientiousness? OR Is this rationalizing? or thinking or over-analyzing? I'm confused. What I'm certain is, I'm still 'finding' and time is running out...